The Price of Perfection
by dreamBIg25
Summary: After his family's concern became too great to go any longer without taking action, Burt and Carole decided it was best that Kurt go to a residential treatment facility for eating disorders. While Kurt is struggling along the road to recovery, a new boy with dark curls comes to the center with his own disorder and shakes up Kurt's current new life. Trigger warning: ED, SI, etc.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** I hope you guys like this story and stay with me. It's my first ED related fic but it's not a topic I'm unfamiliar too. Also, that being said, please do not be offended or whatever by anything I write and do not think that I am saying anything horrible about people. I definitely know the struggles of EDs which means that I would never write something outrageously unrealistic…because I know the truth of these issues. Also please feel free to review, PM, etc. I love feedback.

**Trigger warning**: eating disorders (EDNOS, Anorexia, Bulimia), self-harm

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any Glee characters

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

Kurt had been at the center for a week now, but mealtime hadn't gotten any easier. He sat in the cafeteria staring down at his tray - one carb, two small starches, a moderate serving of dairy, a glass of water: this was what they expected him to eat…all of it. He didn't want any of it. He sipped on his water through a straw and looked around the room. He couldn't stand seeing people eat, all he could think about was how many calories something was that they were putting in their mouths and it made him want to scream. The boy watched as so many people at other tables were struggling similarly to himself, most of them were girls, but then his eyes landed on a boy with dark curly hair and slightly tanned skin. He was sitting at a table alone which you weren't supposed to do, and he had on long sleeves which was against the rules in the dining room.

Kurt had never seen the boy before and figured he must be new, but Kurt expected him to be doing the same, just looking at his plate, maybe picking at the fruit or something. Kurt was intrigued by him, and was surprised to see the boy eating quite well actually, finishing every bite on his plate and drinking all of the water. Kurt looked down at his own still-full plate and sighed. He wished he could be like that boy, he wished he could so easily eat the food. He took a tentative bite of steamed vegetables and chewed slowly, finally swallowing and looking up to see if anyone had noticed, not knowing what he hoped for. When he glanced around the dining room again, he noticed the boy was gone. Kurt didn't think much of his sudden absence though…if anything he was jealous that he had gotten to leave and Kurt was still stuck at that table.

After what seemed like hours of agonizing torture, Kurt finally managed to down most of what was on the tray and asked one of the cafeteria supervisors if he could be excused to go to his room. Once he was granted permission – he guessed the nutritionists were in a good mood today because he had left half of his bread – he quickly exited the dining room and headed down the hall toward his room. He knew he wasn't supposed to spend much of the day alone in his bedroom, but dinner had been particularly hard, and he needed to have a few minutes to himself and to write in his journal.

He wrote about what he'd eaten, his feelings about the day and his meals, and about the dark-haired boy who ate. Kurt had had a long day and he figured no one would miss him in the day room, and he really had no desire to go to community, so he tucked himself into bed early and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	2. What's In A Name

**A/N:** Hopefully you guys are enjoying the story so far. I have some ideas of where I want it to go, but you can definitely make suggestions and help me figure out details of what you would like to happen. Reviews are also greatly appreciated, they help keep me motivated to write, and let me know that people are liking my story, etc.

**Trigger warning**: eating disorders (EDNOS, Anorexia, Bulimia), self-harm

**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Glee

**Chapter 2: What's In A Name**

The next day, Kurt was awoken bright and early, 7am like clockwork. It was time to start the daily routine he hated so much. He was in his regulation hospital gown which they were all forced to sleep in so that mornings would be made simpler. Each day, all the patients were woken up at seven and had to be weighed, have their vitals checked, and go to the counter where the meds were dosed out to those of them that were on anything…which was pretty much everyone…then they could have their smoke break.

Kurt rolled out of bed and wrapped himself in a blanket, shuffling down the hall to the clinic. He waited in line behind the couple of patients that had gotten there before him, yawning, and trying to keep himself warm. Finally it was his turn and he went inside the small room.

"**So, Kurt…how are you feeling today?"** one of the nurses asked him.

Kurt simply grunted, not awake enough or in the mood to talk this morning.

"**If I could go ahead and ask you to get on the scale please…backwards…do you know wh-"**

"_It's blind weight_" he mumbled, cutting her off. He dropped the blanket and stepped backwards onto the scale.

"**That's right…and do you know why we have you do it this way?"** she was being polite and Kurt knew she was nice, but he just didn't have time to be polite back today.

"_So I don't see the numbers_" he mumbled monotonously again. He stepped off the scale and wrapped himself back up in the blanket before sitting on the table and letting her take his temperature, pulse, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. Then came the body check. Kurt slid down off the table and they looked over his arms, legs and back to make sure he hadn't cut, burned, or otherwise harmed himself.

"**Alright good job**" the nurse commended him. "**Are you feeling safe here Kurt?"** she asked, to which she received a disgruntled 'yes'. **"Okay, we're all done"**

Kurt sighed in relief and shuffled back out of the room heading to the medicine station where he was given his monitored doses of anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and vitamins. He downed them with the water in the bottle identical to everyone else's that were provided to them by the center, then went back to his room.

Kurt so desperately wanted to go back to bed, but it was already 7:30 and breakfast was in an hour. He got dressed and ready, fixing his hair and everything, then heading to the day room where one of the few staff members he didn't hate would give him his allowance of two cigarettes which he then would take to the smoke porch.

Once he was out there, he could relax a little. See, the rules were different on the smoke porch in that there weren't really any official rules and they could gossip, talk shit about the staff and other residents, talk weight, calories, etc. and not give a fuck about any of the stupid rules of the center…because this was their safe haven.

"_**So, I think Julie's gonna be the first one to crack in group today"**_ one girl was saying as Kurt stepped out on the deck and shut the door behind him, lighting up his first cigarette and taking a huge drag. He rolled his eyes and took his usual seat, crossing his legs.

"_Ladies…can we please not talk about crazy Julie for once?"_ he chided, taking another drag of smoke, slowly exhaling. _"Instead, I have a question and I'm hoping I can rely on the gossip mill around here to give me an answer….._" he leaned forward like he had a big secret. _"…I wanna know who the new guy is"_ he said quietly but with authority, like he owned them, which in a way he did. All the girls loved the resident gay boy who would complement them on how thin they were and give them fashion and dating advice…because wasn't an anorexic gay best friend the best thing since sliced bread to a bunch of girls with eating disorders?

Kurt would have been lying if he had said he weren't disappointed when all the girls just shook their heads or gave him looks that said they had no idea who this guy was. He was just about to start digging for any tiny amount of information he could get when the door to the porch swung open and everyone went silent as the dark haired boy walked outside with his cigarettes and sat in a corner, off from the rest of the group, even turning away from them to smoke.

Some of the girls started their conversations back up in hushed tones, but many just finished smoking quickly and went back into the day room. Kurt sat and watched the boy out of the corner of his eye as he finished his second cigarette and almost approached him to talk to him when he got up to leave, but the boy looked like he wished to be alone, so he decided it was for the best if he didn't say anything right then. Kurt turned and went back inside, but he felt like there were eyes on him as he left the porch…he shook it off, deciding he was just imagining it.

When he got back inside, Kurt bumped into Parker, one of the girls he usually hung out with.

"_Oh….s-sorry Park, I…I didn't see you_" he apologizes, feeling horrible for running into her because he hadn't been paying attention where he was going.

Parker just laughed it off lightly. **"It's fine Kurt…so, I noticed you eyeing the new guy on the smoke porch"** she pointed out.

"_I um…..I was?"_ he tried to play it off like it had been unintentional but Parker knew him well enough to see through his cover.

"**Kurt…"** she placed a hand gently on his arm, **"don't try to lie to me…besides, he's cute, I don't blame you. I say go for it" **she smiled at him.

"_Parker…..I don't know him, I've never spoken to him, I don't know anything about him, not even his name….plus, he's probably not gay anyway"_ he shrugged it off, trying to walk away but her grip on his arm tightened slightly. Parker had been here for a month compared to Kurt's almost-week, she was doing pretty darn well in her recovery, meaning she was quite a bit stronger than the 'paper-thin' boy, as his brother had described him during his family's intervention of sorts.

"_Park…I don't wanna talk about it right now okay? Besides, we have to be at breakfast in five minutes, and I have to pee."_ She reluctantly let him go, but not without a warning that they would talk about this later, and Kurt left the day room with a sigh of relief.

He couldn't talk about the boy because he couldn't even think about anything happening between them, besides, they were all here for the same thing which meant this guy had an eating disorder too, regardless of the fact that he had eaten his very first meal here seemingly without struggle. Though Kurt couldn't deny that he was curious…so curious in fact, that the boy consumed his thoughts. He ate his breakfast mindlessly, too distracted to think about what was going into his mouth. His nutritionist commented on how well he had done but he shrugged it off, telling her it must have been a fluke because the second he'd been brought into awareness of all he'd eaten he immediately hated himself and her for making him eat.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, and after dinner he went to community. He knew he wouldn't say anything…because there wasn't anything he could think to say. He had zoned out briefly while one girl talked about something that was bothering her, but was brought back when the facilitating nurse cleared her throat**. "Alright, the stick now goes to the next person…Blaine….you had something to say? Please go ahead and take your turn to talk" **she said kindly. Kurt perked up at her words, Blaine was a boy's name, his eyes scanned the room and sure enough, nestled into one of the comfy chairs was the dark-haired boy. Kurt looked him over, not able to get a good look when he'd seen him before in the cafeteria. He was beautiful…

The boy stood cautiously, standing with his body curled in on itself, like he was trying to take up as little space as possible. He looked a bit scared and stared at his feet as he started to speak. _**"I um….h-hi, I'm B-Bl-….Blaine. I just came here yesterday and I…I don't know anyone yet except my therapist and nutritionist. I'm not good at t-talking or making friends…a-and I usually just isolate myself because it's easier that way. Today on the smoke porch I….I sat by myself because I wanted people to think I wanted to be left alone but deep down, I w-wished someone had c-come and talked to me…"**_ Kurt mentally kicked himself for not approaching the boy**, **_**"…but instead everyone stopped talking and….j-just finished and left. I decided I would talk about it here….th-that I would let people know that they c-could include me or w-wh-whatever b-because I'm really bad at doing it m-myself"**_ He barely looked up the entire time he was talking, and he spoke softly as he stumbled over his words. Kurt was fascinated by this boy who wore long-sleeves all the time, who ate his meals without blinking an eye, and who was brave enough to stand up and say this in his first community.

Kurt made the decision right then that no matter what it took, he would get to know this boy.

One more girl spoke and then they were all dismissed. Kurt was tired and headed straight back to his room, climbing into bed and putting his headphones in. Thoughts of the gorgeous boy ran through his mind as he drifted off. "_Blaine_…" he whispered with a tiny smile as his eyes fell closed, the name felt good on his mouth. Hopefully he would have better dreams tonight…and tomorrow, he would talk to Blaine.


End file.
